Do you feel like you are failing at everything? I sure do, I feel like I’m failing at everything in my life these days. I don’t tear up often or write so fast that my fingers are hurting, but today I’m either really hormonal or on to something that God just needs me to say.
I’m going to be really honest in a series I’ll be tackling over the next couple weeks all about guilt and failure. This post will be raw, and open, and will give you a much deeper glimpse into who I am. A window to my soul that most people NEVER see.
Before I get too far into this post, I wanted to share one of my favorite freebies with you! I needed a simple reminder to just Keep Going and I suspected you might too!
Snag this gorgeous, free, Keep Going printable quote as your reminder to just Keep Going no matter where you are. Sign up below and I’ll send it right to you!
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Guilt Shows Up In My Life All The Time
These posts will be all about how guilt shows up in my life overall – how it affects who I truly am as a person and I hope that after reading these posts you might be inspired to take a good look at yourself and see if guilt might be playing a big role in your life as well.I don’t have a lot of answers, as I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with guilt in a healthy way. Click To Tweet
Forewarning, I don’t have a lot of answers, as I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with guilt in a healthy way, but I do want you know that I’m here for you and any struggles you might be facing with guilt in your life, especially if you feel like you are failing too.
Guilt Is A Tricky Topic
Guilt is a tricky topic, especially when I feel like I’m failing. Have you ever really examined the meaning of guilt?
Guilt: a feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.
I struggle with guilt all the time and often, I feel like I’m failing. ALL THE TIME. It eats at me constantly and I’m learning that the guilty feelings I have come from feelings of failure.Failure is my ultimate no-no, and it's even worse when I feel like I'm failing all the time. Click To Tweet
Failing as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister – all of them. Failure is my ultimate no-no, and it’s even worse when I feel like I’m failing all the time.
I Don’t Want To Fail At Anything
I don’t want to fail at anything, which means I also struggle with perfectionism. And I struggle with fear. Lots of fear. Mostly fear of failure. To the point that I often don’t even want to try something because I don’t want to fail.I struggle with fear. Lots of fear. Mostly fear of failure. To the point that I often don’t even want to try something because I don’t want to fail. Click To Tweet
I realize you are just getting to know me, and are kind enough to take this journey with me as I try to build a business from a blog. I’m humbled you want to be part of this process and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Success Is A Journey, Sometimes A Long One
This deep look at my life is truly is a journey. I’m by no means a success yet. I want to be, but in a way, I’m super scared to get there – although I may talk a big game and may seem like I’m winning. Deep inside of me, I feel like I’m failing in just about every way possible.
It hurts.Success is a journey, sometimes a long one. Click To Tweet
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Faking My Way Through Life
Some of my closest friends and family would never believe me if I told them that I feel like I’m failing. All that shows is that I’m great at faking my way through life.
Afterall, why would I feel like a flop? I’m a highly motivated person – and trust me, I have no idea where that comes from. But it’s true, I get up early every day to get stuff done.
I make coffee, do my bible study, and try to squeeze in a little bit of time for blogging all before the kids get up. As soon as I get the kids off to school, I go for a run – seriously, just about every day.
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Lists Don’t Mean Anything
I’ve learned over time that I function so much better when I’ve exercised – but I don’t always love it. I just do it. By the time I get home and take a shower, I’m checking stuff off my to-do list. See, I told you I’m highly motivated and a planner. I can’t seem to get away from this part of personality even if I try.
Making all sorts of lists and checking things off of them is one of my favorite things to do. Just because I check stuff off that list, doesn’t mean I actually accomplish anything that truly matters. That’s when my guilt creeps back in.Just because I check stuff off that list, doesn’t mean I actually accomplish anything that truly matters. Click To Tweet
Guilt From Missing “It”
My guilt comes from feeling like I’m always missing “it”. I have a phrase that I say all the time –“I’m 10 steps behind the 8-ball.” Like I’m just copying everyone else’s ideas, totally unsure of what to do, years too late. I’ve never truly been able to find my unique voice, and have always felt like no one cares anyways. I’m not sure why I can’t find my voice.
I have one, but I’m scared to make people mad, because on top of feeling like a failure all the time, I hate when people are mad at me. It eats at me and shuts me up really fast. My personality is loud and fun and wacky and confident – but as soon as I feel like someone is mad at something I’ve done, I clam up.
Which makes no sense?! I love being the center of attention, but can’t handle a difference of opinion. Oh my goodness. What is wrong with me?! I know if I ever want my blog to grow I need to step out and not be scared of failure, rejection, difference of opinion…all of those good things. I’m trying, I really am.
Hiding My Feelings For Years
Back to guilt and what brings me to this place writing this blog post that is way to personal for it’s own good.
Guilt. I’ve never really put a name to my feelings. But those feelings have been just under the surface for years and years and years. Taking a hard look at myself and being in the same marriage for almost 18 years, having a teenager now, and being almost 40 are all colliding at once in my head. Call it mid-life crisis, or whatever you want. I call it a Come To Jesus Moment.
Put On a Brave Face
I’m hurting inside, but I love to put on a brave face and pretend. Inside, I’m withering away. I have so many days when I just want to give up on all my dreams because I’ve been dreaming them for what seems like a long time now, been trying to reach them in so many different ways and none of them have come true. If anything, I just keep feeling like a big disappointment, a washed up failure of a mom/wife/daughter/sister.
So guilt and failure all wrap into one nice package for me.
I’m going to be examining guilt and failure over the next couple weeks with some very raw posts about my feelings of failure as a mom, wife, daughter, and sister. I’m scared to even write them, but I feel God calling me too. And because I’m scared to write them, I know I need to.
Brokenness Leads Right To Jesus
I realize I typically give a lot of direction and know-how in my posts, but there is another side to who I am and I’m so broken. In so may ways. And I thought you might be able to relate to how I feel, and could pray for me – in fact, I hope we can pray for each other.
Honestly, I feel like God has been nudging me for a long time to be real with with you and quit trying to be perceived as perfect. Well, here ya go.
Ready to join me? I hope you will – I’m pretty sure I’m going to need a bunch of extra prayer along the way.
Don’t Forget Your Free Printable Keep Going Quote
I made this simple quote and I hung it up on my refrigerator as a small step to keep my chin up.
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Feel free to do the same. Just fill in the sign up form below and I’ll email you this printable quote so you can hang it up on your fridge too (or on the inside of the pantry door – because let’s be honest, that’s where I first hung it up…until I had opened up the door enough times and finally was ok with moving it out in the open to the refrigerator for the whole family to see).
You can start by hanging it on the inside of your pantry door too. I won’t mind.[mailerlite_form form_id=9]
We can do this together! I know it! I’m praying for you momma!