Can moms still be friends when their kids break up? When your child is old enough to pick their real friends, and the ones they choose to spend time with are not the kids they have grown up with, it can break your heart – especially if they are your best friend’s kids.
This is a topic that is very near to my heart, especially as my kids get older and have more complicated friendships. I’m no longer in the phase where you call up a few of your favorite stay at home mommy friends and meet for a play date at the park, where you let all the kids play.
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Her Kids Don’t Like Your Kids
We are now in the stage where my kids have an opinion about who they do or don’t want to hang out with. Although I may really like a mom friend, my kids may not enjoy the company of her kids.
So the question still is, can moms still be friends when their kids break up? I think you can – but it takes work!Can moms still be friends when their kids break up? I think you can – but it takes work! Click To Tweet
I’m not totally enjoying this stage of life because I miss a lot of my mom friends. And, I miss them because either my child doesn’t prefer her child’s company, or it’s the other way around. It’s awful when you realize it’s the other way around – that your friend no longer calls you because her kids don’t like your kids.
New Phases of Friendship
Learning to deal with the phases of friendship for both moms and kids is so hard. I have a lot of great mom friends.
We all had kids around the same time, we spent countless hours at parks for play dates before our kids could even tie their shoes.
We would go to the pool in the summer and story time at the library in the winter, so the kids could play while we as moms would fellowship and talk for hours.
It was simple when our kids were young. The moms would chat and hang out for hours while our kids learned what friendship was all about. A lot of time was spent pulling each other’s hair, and accidentally breaking each other’s toys, but they also learned basic skills like sharing and taking turns.
As the kids got older and started school, they began to not only pick their own friends, but you soon discover that even though they have grown up with the children of one of your best friends, they no longer enjoy the company of those kids – they break up. It’s sad actually, and you are left wondering if both of you moms can still be friends even when the kids break up?
When Your Child Is Not Invited
Not too long ago a very dear friend of mine had a birthday party for her child and my child wasn’t invited. This isn’t really a big deal, but it’s always a hard reality to deal with when you feel like you are good friends.
The funny part is that I’m the one who was hurt – not my child.
As a rule in our family, we try to be as inclusive as possible. I love people, and I love the friends of my kids. I’m the mom who enjoys throwing big birthday parties and inviting lots of kids to celebrate – regardless of any drama that was going on in kid world that week.
It hurt me that my child was excluded from the party. I’m not exactly sure why though – it’s probably because it more felt like I was being excluded and for the woman who loves people, this was a huge blow to my ego.
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Good Friends, But Not Good Enough Friends
I remember this happening many years ago when my daughter was in her early elementary years. She wasn’t invited to a birthday party for a little girl that she spent a lot of time with.
We had invited this little girl to all sorts of things we did as a family, and especially to my daughter’s birthday parties.
From my point of view, our girls were very good friends. But then the day came when she was having a birthday party and I found out through the grapevine that it was happening.
I actually thought that maybe it was a mistake and that my daughter had lost the invitation walking home from school.
Can you believe that I had the audacity to ask the other mom what time I should have my daughter at her house for the party? Because I was sure my daughter must have misplaced the invite.
Politely, I was put in my place, and told that she had not been invited because her daughter only got to choose a few friends. My daughter just didn’t make the cut (I’m positive she let me down in a much nicer way, but this is how it felt – our girls were friends, but not good enough friends).
It still stings to this day. And again, my daughter was a little hurt, but honestly, she didn’t really care that much. Only I did. Afterall, I had spent a lot of time and energy investing in this friend and her family. It was a huge let down to me that I cared a lot more than she did.
But I thought We Were Friends?
Have you ever been in this place? Ever thought you were better friends with someone than you really were? Ever been put in your place, even if it was politely, by a mom friend?
Have you been totally shocked when you find out that you liked a family a lot more than they ever liked your family? Felt the sting of hurt when if feels like your child is the only one being left out of a birthday party invitation?
I know – I can totally relate.
Real Friendships Are Hard To Find
So, I know you are dying to ask, what’s the lesson in all of this? I mean, can moms still be friends when their kids break up? Actually, there are quite a few lessons to learn from, and yes, moms can still be friends even when their kids don’t want to be anymore.
First of all, you just have to be you, no matter what anyone else thinks. Be true to yourself and be who God made you to be. Realize that not everyone is going to like you and your kids – and that’s ok. Teach your kids to be true to themselves and never change just so that someone will like them. A true friend will love you for who you truly are.
Second, real friendships are so hard to find – but if you do find it – cherish it. Teach your kids the same thing. Finding a true friend, even when you are younger, is rare and if you do find it, hold on tight!Real friendships are so hard to find – but if you do find it – cherish it. Click To Tweet
Friendships Come and Go
Lastly, remember that friends come and go. I’ve learned over the years that holding onto a friendship that causes a lot of pain and drama is not worth it – although it’s so hard to see that when you are deep into it. It’s a skill to learn to let friends go.
I believe God sends us friends for a season – some are meant to last a lifetime – but I truly believe these are extremely rare. Most friendships are just for a season, and that’s ok.
As moms, I’m sure you understand. Our children will experience the same thing. Their friendships will come and go. They need to learn to cherish and protect some friendships and put an end to others. Our job as moms is to help them with each step of the process, but sometimes, they have to learn the hard way.
Learning The Hard Way
As moms we have to learn the hard way too. Can you believe that I’m a mom of 3 kids – I’m almost 40, and I still struggle with friendships? I tend to hold on to friendships that only cause me pain. I still get hurt when we are not invited to the BBQ that all the other families are invited to. It still hurts when my child is excluded from a birthday party.
How about you? Do you struggle with friendships? I’d love to know any tips you have for me. If you need prayer for a difficult friendship you might be in, jump on over to my prayer page and tell me all about it. I’d be honored to pray for you and I’d love for you to pray for me too, afterall, we are in this together!
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